Have Mercy on Me
by Max Alleyne
Summary: I can’t let the Phoenix destroy everything and everyone that I love, but I can’t destroy the Phoenix now. I wasn’t strong enough. But you are. Scott, you’re the strongest person that I know, and the best.
1. If You're Reading This

**Author's Note: **So, this popped into my mind the other day, and I had to get it out so that I could concentrate on other things. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

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His bloody, bandaged hands were trembling as he opened the letter Professor Xaiver had handed him. His name was written in Jean's elegant, slanting cursive on the outside of the envelope. The letter was neatly folded into thirds, like any other letter that he would receive. Except that this wasn't just any letter. It was written on the stationary that she reserved just for him. Holding it to his nose, he breathed in the smell of his lover, taking extra care not to get any blood on the note.

_Scott,_

_As I write this, I'm hoping that you'll never have to read it. But even now, in the back of my mind, I have a sick feeling that you'll be reading it one day, and I'm immensely sorry for that. If you're reading this right now, it means that I've lost control of this thing that's inside me. I've been fighting with this creature for so long now that I don't really remember what its like to be without her. There are days when I just know that if I keep fighting I'll push her back into my mind and be rid of her forever. Then, there are other days when I think that if I don't give in, it's going to kill me. But I also know that if I give in, I'll bring destruction and death to those I love, and that's unacceptable. That's why I'm writing you this letter._

_I can't let the Phoenix destroy everything and everyone that I love, but I can't destroy the Phoenix now. I wasn't strong enough. But you are. Scott, you're the strongest person that I know, and the best. You're steady and reliable in a way that I only wish I could be. I know that there are times when I've ignored your problems because I was trying to keep the Phoenix under control, and again, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm about to ask you to do something that no one should ever have to do. But there is no one else to ask. _

_I've lost my battle with the Phoenix. If you're reading this, I'm not here anymore, and the Phoenix is walking around in my body. Please, if you remember nothing else, remember these two things: For one, the Phoenix isn't me. It seems silly to remind you of this when you're the one who used to tell me that all the time. But this thing is going to do horrible things while walking around in my body…just remember that it's the Phoenix, and that if I am still in here somewhere…Sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the greater good._

_Secondly, always remember that I love you. I know that it is terrible of me to tell you this now, when I'm asking you to do something so horrible, but I have to know that you know I love you. I don't say it enough, but you know anyway, because you're you, and you just know. Like after that terrible incident with the leather prototype uniforms when it got caught around my ankles and I almost hurt us both. You laughed with me, not at me, and still made me feel like the most cherished woman in the world. Or those moments when you would just hold me until I fell asleep. Or that time you trusted me enough to try that trick with your glasses…_

_I'm not telling you this to make you sad or break you down. I'm telling you this because I need you to do what no one else can. I also know exactly what you're doing as you read this. You're shaking your head and saying "No, Jean, there has to be some other way. How am I supposed to kill the woman I love?"_

Scott caught himself shaking his head, tears flowing freely down his cheeks, thinking exactly that. There must be some other way to control this creature. He needed Jean. He had to have her back. Wasn't that his job? Wasn't the fearless leader supposed to rescue the girl? Of course, right now, he wasn't fearless, and Jean would definitely object to being considered a damsel in distress.

_I'm telling you now, Scott, that there isn't another way. I gave the Professor strict instructions not to give you this until you had exhausted all other possible alternatives. It isn't that I don't want to come back to you, because I do. If there is a way to come back, I will, but I don't think it's very likely. I'm telling you this because right now you're thinking of it as murder. You're thinking about killing me. Don't think of it that way. Think of it as a labor of love, a mercy killing. You can do it because you love me, and because I'm asking you to. I'm sorry that I have to ask you to do this, but you're the only one strong enough to do what has to be done._

_So, please, have mercy on me, love me, and do as I ask._

_With love (always with love),_

_Jean_

Closing his eyes, he pulled off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt. It was damn hard to see when they were fogged up. He also wiped his eyes, and tried to stop the tears that were flowing freely now. He knew that Jean was right, and he hated it. He had always thought that they would find a way to control the Phoenix…well, Dark Phoenix, anyway. But they hadn't, and now it was running amok.

He should have put a stop to it long ago, but he kept hoping that Jean was tucked away in there somewhere, and that he could bring her back. But it seemed that wasn't going to happen. And he owed it to her to do as she wished. A mercy killing, she called it. Well, they had always disagreed on that front. He had always thought that wherever there was life, there was hope. But Jean had made it pretty clear what she wanted, and damnit, he loved her, and couldn't deny her this. Not her last and most important wish.

Clenching his jay, he went to see the Professor so that he could destroy the woman he loved.

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**Author's Note:** So, there it is. It has always seemed fitting to me that this is the way it would be, just because Scott is Mr. Reliable (which is fine with me), and Jean would know exactly how to phrase things to make him understand. I have a second part in my head, and if I get enough feedback, I may post it. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think. Any type of feedback is welcome. =)


	2. The Best Laid Plains

**Author's Note: **Despite the minimal feedback, I decided to post this anyway, because it felt incomplete to me. So here it is. Enjoy.  


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He still wasn't sure how they managed to kill her. It was nearly impossible; both the task itself, and the careful, methodical planning thereof. He had sat at the table with his friends and his enemies, his X-men and the Brotherhood. Together, they had laid out the perfect plan. They had listed her strengths: near limitless power, force fields, the ability to absorb his solar blasts. Then they had listed her weaknesses: her arrogance. Then they had laid out their abilities: weather control, power absorption, solar blasts, teleporting, mental control, control of magnetism, indestructibility, avalanches. Despite their many talents, it had taken a long time to plot out a plan this perfect.

_So please, have mercy on me, love me, and do as I ask…_

A part of him hoped that things wouldn't go as according to plan. No matter how Jean had phrased it in her letter, he still couldn't think of it as an act of mercy. To kill her—not Jean, the Phoenix—he had to be cold, calculating, methodical, and brutal. There was no mercy in what they had planned for her. There was no mercy in killing her and then incinerating her body.

_So please, have mercy on me, love me, and do as I ask…_

But most of all, there was no mercy for him. He could let her live and destroy everything and everyone that Jean had cared for, or he could kill her and lose any chance of ever seeing the woman he loved. Either way, it was something that he should never have had to do. He should have been able to die old and gray in bed with her surrounded by children and grandchildren. Instead, her death would be cold and alone, which meant that one day in the distant future—a future without Jean—his would be, too.

_So please, have mercy on me, love me, and do as I ask…_

As they enacted Scott's carefully laid out plan, her words—her last wish—echoed inside his mind. They had chosen the perfect location: a mountain range in the middle of no where that gave Lance plenty to work with. They had scouted the location before, and set their trap. Professor X would try to shield their minds from her. Scott and Kitty would lure her into one of the caves that ran deep inside the mountain, then use Kitty's powers to phase through to the outside. If possible, though it wasn't necessary, Rogue would try to drain off some of her power. Once deep enough inside the cave, Storm and Lance would work their weather magic and create one hellacious avalanche. The combination of their powers should make an avalanche that was more than she could handle. If the sheer volume of rock wasn't enough, Kurt could teleport them into the cave, and Scott would finish the job with as much swiftness as possible.

_So please, have mercy on me, love me, and do as I ask…_

He could swear that he heard her voice inside his mind as he and Kitty ran into the cold darkness of the cave. He knew that it was his conscience, but he couldn't completely smother the part of him that hope it was her. If it was her, he could get on the com and radio back to everyone else that Jean was fine and that it was time to go home. But no, there was no coming back for Jean. All he could do now was…

_So please, have mercy on me, love me, and do as I ask…_

"Scott, are you alright?" Kitty asked, her voice full of concern.

"No…I'm pretty sure I'm not," he answered, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"You know that isn't Jean, Scott. She wouldn't want this _thing _using her body to tear down everything she worked for."

"I know. It's just…what am I supposed to do without her?" Kitty didn't know how to answer the question, so she remained silent and kept running deeper into the darkness, away from the light that was a sure sign that the Phoenix was closer than they liked. Scott kept up and tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind. If he thought about those things now, he would never be able to do what he needed to do. He needed to concentrate completely on murdering his fiancé.

_You're thinking of it as murder. You're thinking about killing me. Don't think of it that way. Think of it as a labor of love, a mercy killing..._

He felt the ground begin to shake beneath him, and noticed how very bright it was. That was his cue to grab Kitty's hand and let her phase him through the rock. He took her tiny hand in his and thought of how small Jean's elegant hands had felt in his. Jean…There had to be some other way…

_I'm telling you now, Scott, that there isn't another way…_

Small piece of rock were falling all around them. The ground began to crack and crumble. He knew that if he looked over his shoulder, he would be able to see her. Definitely time to get out of there. He felt Kitty's hand tense in his as she prepared to phase them. Jean used to do that when she was concentrating…

He couldn't resist one final look. Scott turned back to study the woman that used to be his lover, his companion, his everything. She looked just as he thought she should have: beautiful, intense—like she was concentrating really hard on something…

_With love (always with love)…_

At the last minute, he let go of Kitty's hand, just as the piles of rock came crashing down.

Scott clenched his eyes shut and braced for pain. Instead, none came. He opened his eyes and found piles of debris all around him, the Phoenix nowhere to be seen. Immediately, he sprang to his feet and began turning over rocks, digging through the piles of rubble, searching for a body. If he was still alive, she must be dead.

He flipped over one stone and found it smeared with blood. He flipped over another and found red hair. As more and more stones were moved, he uncovered the body of Jean Grey. Blood was everywhere: matted in her hair, covering her face. Her body was crushed and barely recognizable. Except for her face. It looked like she had thrown up her hands to protect her face. It was horrible. It only got worse when she opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"Scott…" Despite her voice being thick, her breathing slow and labored, his name on her lips was the best sound he had ever heard. The recognition in her eyes was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. He gently took her broken hands into his larger ones.

"Jean? Is that…Oh God, Jean…you said…how did you…Oh God, sweetheart…hold on. We'll get you to a hospital. They can take good care of you. You'll be fine—"

"No," she whispered, her smile turning sad.

"What do you mean, 'no?' Of course you'll go. They could save you—"

"They can't, Scott…and you know it."

"There have been all sorts of medical miracles these days. You saw how they patched up Remy that one time—"

"You don't…understand. You can't…let them save me."

"Of course we can. You're back—"

"For how long…this time? This is the only w—"

"It's not!" he yelled, tears streaming down his cheeks. "It's not! You can fight it. You and I and the Professor…we'll find a way, Jean, but you have to stay. You have to stay with me…I need you!"

"No…you're stronger than I ever was. You have to do…what needs to be done…I didn't save you…just to do this all over again…"

"What?" he asked, confused.

"I told you that…I would try to come back to you…I was fighting from the inside…while you fought from the outside…"

The answer dawned on him. Her look of concentration…she had shielded him from the debris at her own expense. She had barely managed to take her body back, and she chose to save him.

"Why did you do that? It's all nothing without you. You told me you were gone!"

"Sometimes sacrifices…have to be made for…greater good,"

"Not you. Never you," he said, pushing her hair out of her face. He wanted to pull her into his arms, but he was afraid of hurting her. Apparently, she was still strong enough to read his thoughts.

"I can't really…feel much," she said. He nodded and pulled her against him so that he could cradle her in his arms. The tears in his eyes blurred his vision so that he couldn't see her lie and the pain on her face. "I love you."

"I know. I love you, too. I've always loved you," he answered, kissing her forehead tenderly.

"Even when I…ruin sexy time…tripping on…leather bodysuit?" She made an attempt at lightness and fell short. It was getting harder and harder to keep the pain out of her voice. Breath was hard to come by.

"Especially then." He wiped the tears from his eyes and noticed her pained expression. Realizing that he was hurting her, he loosened his embrace. "I am hurting you."

"No…you never…hurt me."

"Jean, please…stay with me."

"How much longer? It's hard to…stay awake."

"Another minute. Always just another minute." He was sobbing now. Huge, ugly sobs that shook his entire body. He knew the end was coming, and he wasn't ready. "I love you," he said again, not knowing what else to say. She smiled at that; a genuine smile, full of love. It was an expression that she reserved just for him.

"I love you, too…Thank you."

"For what? For killing you?"

"For having…mercy on me," she gasped.

"How am I supposed to let you die? I can't…I can't. Please, Jean…please stay."

"Just hold me…until I fall asleep…"

Then Jean Grey closed her eyes and finally quit fighting. Scott kissed her forehead tenderly and lay down beside her. Eventually, the X-men would come looking for him, and he would deal with them then. For now, he needed a moment to figure out how he was supposed to go on.

_With love (always with love)…_

Just before his eyes fell closed, Scott Summers had an inkling that if he clung that love, maybe…just maybe he could make it in this world.

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**Author's Note: **So, there it is. Yes, it is depressing...a bit, but I just really felt that was something that Jean would do. I hope you're not too angry that he couldn't bring her back, but sometimes that's the way it goes. Anyway, please, please, please review (because y'all are awesome and that is what awesome people do).


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